Hard Long Shit Dick

Just thought I would share with the world my shitdick for the day. One complete total long shit, a black cock up my ass if you will...


It felt good to get ManDingo out of my arse.  Peace.

Going Green

Damn, where's my camera when I need it. We're visiting family so I could do a big supported bike ride yesterday (104 miles). Ate whatever they had at the rest stops: lots of bananas, apples, bagels with PB&J and a gallon or so of Gatorade. Plus a Polish Sausage at the finish and donuts back at the inlaws'.

Today? The greenest shit I can ever remember producing. My first dump today was two tone with forest green and army green. The second one? Go Army! Beautiful. And weird.

UPDATE: Mystery solved, I think. I remembered today that my inlaws had Fruit Loops in the house. I had a bowl with breakfast before the ride, and probably three more bowls between the end of the ride and bedtime (I was eating everything in sight). So my verdant turds were an ode to the wonders of artificial food coloring.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

My sister was babysitting. My 4-year-old daughter was sitting on the toilet taking a dump. She looked at my sister kinda sideways and said:

"Your hair looks kinda like poop. It's brown and shiny like poop."

A Visitor

It's been my intention all along to include visiting turds. This weekend I had occasion to visit a farm and use an old-fashioned pit toilet. I happened to have my camera.


Who knows the people outside the toilet thought of the camera clicks they heard.

Mini Me

Speaking of my daughter, let's get her in on the action!


Behold the turd of a two-year-old, nestled cozily in a bed of petroleum-derived absorbency.

Oxymoron

This creatures reminds me of a superhero. Like a cousin of Thing, but made of feces.


But who ever heard of a superhero who couldn't swim? Shit Thing seems to be struggling for air.

A Family Affair

My daughter loves to classify things by size. So if she were to narrate this photo, she would say: "Daddy. Mommy. Big Sister. Me."

Really Old Shit

A blog about shit can't pass on the story of fossilized feces found in Oregon. It is apparently the oldest biological evidence of humans in North America ever found. Rock on, shit!


Photo by Jim Barlow, University of Oregon

Another Turd

So it's only been a month, but I'm getting kinda bored with photos of my own shit. My original concept for this blog was that anybody could post photos of their own shit or of any shit they cared to photograph.


So I guess it's time to get the word out about this blog and recruit other contributors. So far I know I have a readership of exactly one person besides myself. How can I turn that into millions?

No Foolin'!

Only one friend played an April Fool's joke on me. He got me good.


I pity the fool who didn't get to enjoy a satisfying shit like this today.

Satisfaction

Many years ago I devised a "shit satisfaction scale" that rated various factors that contribute to the level of satisfaction one obtains from taking a particular dump. One of these days I'll write it all down and post it here.


For now, suffice it to say that this one was pretty satisfying. One reason was that I could feel it baking for some time before I actually produced it.

The Turd Family

I have a 2-year-old daughter. Whenever she sees multiple objects of varying sizes she immediately names them "daddy", "mommy" and "baby" in descending order. If there's a fourth, she names the next-to-smallest one after her big sister.


So if I showed her this photo, I know exactly what she would say!

Snakes not in a Plane

Too bad this fella was dismembered by gravity. He has a nice 3D spiral thing going on and it'd be even more impressive if it were that much longer.


Reminds me of something I read about pig penises.

Three Amigos

This morning when I turned around to celebrate what my rectum had produced, I found these three guys were spooning all snug as a bug in a rug.


Hopefully they were able to hang onto each other on their subterranean odyssey to the treatment plant.

A Cameo!

Yesterday a good friend stopped by and agreed to join the main subject in the day's photo session. It's our friend Paper!


I thought I was going to abandon the shoot because my pesky daughter was hanging around the bathroom, so I tossed Paper into the mix. But then she got distracted elsewhere and I was able to capture my effluent after all.

What's Your Poo Telling You?

A reader of the piss color post sent along a pointer to this book. It may be of interest to other readers.

I don't need to read it, though. I know what my poo is telling me: "Make me a star!"

Why is Piss Yellow?

As I was sitting on the commode this morning debating the pros and cons of photographing one's shit within and without its accompanying urine I suddenly wondered, "Why is urine yellow?" My first thought, of course, was that the intelligent designer made it so to keep it in the same color family as shit.

A quick google search answered my question. And it turns out the colors of shit and piss are related!

From the Science in Action blog:

The yellow color in urine is due to chemicals called urobilins. These are the breakdown products of the bile pigment bilirubin. Bilirubin is itself a breakdown product of the heme part of hemoglobin from worn-out red blood cells. Most bilirubin is partly broken down in the liver, stored in the gall bladder, broken down some more in the intestines, and excreted in the feces (its metabolites are what make feces brown), but some remains in the bloodstream to be extracted by the kidneys where, converted to urobilins, it gives urine that familiar yellow tint.

Surprisingly the article gives no credit to a designer, intelligent or otherwise!

But an argument can be made that photographing one's feces in a urine-free setting is unnatural. The bilirubin byproducts in the piss and crap want to be reunited.

Living in a 3-Dimensional World

I'm attracted to the complexity of this particular portrait. The final stage of the turd is obviously trying to dominate the scene. But the observer who lingers over this image more than a moment will discover deeper structure. There is the intermediate fragment nestled underneath the frame hog. And yet farther into the sculpture one can see a larger mass lurking beneath its more conspicuous brethren. Taken together this collection exhibits a sense of completion that exceeds a mere sum of parts.


It is useful to be reminded of some of the basic rules for living the good life. Among them: don't rush through one's enjoyment of culture. Slow down and let your deeper appreciation ripen and bear its often latent fruit.

Don't Worry!

I've received hundreds of emails from concerned readers who are worried that I haven't shit for almost a week. Have no fear. I've been crapping along regularly. It's merely that I haven't had the opportunity to properly capture images of my rectal production this week. Damn nosy kids.


Just to allay your fears, here's a specimen from mid-week. If I recall correctly, this effort was rather satisfying.

The Mark of Zorro...

As you can see, this stuff is a lot like playdough fun factory product. I sat, and in 10 seconds I had laid what I thought was one of the largest volume crapper sessions for the week. Turned to find it was large, but most had slid nicely into the hidden confines of the toilet trap. However, what had piled up was clearly a sign of future stardom down the shitterbug.com tube of fame.




Click on the image and you will *CLEARLY* see some trademarked undigested tomatos for your gawking eyes.  I purchased a eight pound load of them babies for 50 cents, just past sellable ripe for making amazing off season salsa.  Well, they made bile salsa alright, almost makes ya want to dig into the 'guacamole' dip with your finger tips.  If you look hard enough, you can see my with grain rectal fold shitter marks down the shaft of each happy log.

There is also a peanut buttery power bar folded into the mix... Go ahead, take a good look.

Corn Ho!

What self-respecting blog featuring photos of shit can consider itself legitimate without corn?


Unfortunately I didn't have my camera for the primary feces after my corn meal. But at least I captured this remnant. Just wait until summer when fresh corn is in season!

Expanding My Palette

Sometimes it's good to stretch a little beyond one's usual comfort zone. Today I added a little tonal variety.


And a lonely little turdfly on the right.

A Day Without Sunshine

Is like a day after the day I missed my Metamucil. Behold:

An Orgy of Waste

Isn't that what Congress calls it when the Pentagon pays $5 million for a hammer?


In my case, just a tangle of turd. But at least it felt very productive.

Eve Tempting the Serpent

Oops, got a little backed up. So to speak. Actually, I found it difficult this week to post photos when my little turdlets weren't around to ask why dad is looking at photos of shit.


I guess last weekend my bowels were in a biblical mood.

Information Wants to be Free

I've been waiting for one of those rare sightings of a large beast.When it occurred, all I had was my crappy cell phone camera.


The government wants to deny that such a creature exists. Fortunately we have the Internets, so I can get this photo out there where even the NSA can't suppress it.

Recession?

A moderate decline in colonomic output today. I hope the markets don't panic!


The bonus is the urine accompaniment. I usually try to maintain the purity of the art form by either flushing the piss before I crap or holding it until after I've completed principal photography. Today I forgot and let loose the yellow torrent.

Do The Mashed Potato

Sheesh, forget that psyllium husk for one day and the next day you get mashed potato poop.


At least it still has some embedded items for visual relief.

Pietà

From Martha Graham to Michaelangelo. Who knew feces could be so erudite?


I'm touched by the tenderness with which this mother is cradling her doomed child.

Ballet From My Butt

Ah, all shimmering goodness. And the choreography! Martha Graham would be proud. Like vibrant figures in free space.


That fiber supplement makes my shit kinda airy and somewhat rope-like. But they require virtually no wiping. Who knows what the red flecks are. Tomato chunks from a marinara sauce?

Monkey See Monkey Doooooo!

While watching a nature show on cable, it became clear monkeys effectively communicate dissatisfaction with each other in their troupe by tossing shit at each other.



Imagine interludes during afternoon tea time where fighting is allowed with only weapons of fresh warm dookie balls and balloons filled up with spicy mexican induced diarrhea.

Who's Side Are You On?

Is it possible the contributors to this blog took a wrong turn during our evolution?

Wikipedia:

Protostomes (from the Greek: mouth first) are a taxon of animals. Together with the deuterostomes ... they make up the Bilateria... The major distinctions between deuterostomes and protostomes are found in embryonic development. In protostome development, the first opening in development, the blastopore, becomes the animal's mouth. In deuterostome development, the blastopore becomes the animal's anus.

Of course if you're a imbecile creationist, you believe that Ceiling Cat mixed up our mouths and asses on purpose.

Motley Crew

Since I started taking my namesake fiber supplement several years ago, I usually take 2-3 dumps in fairly rapid succession each morning. This ragged looking troupe was today's second effort.Yesterday's production was unremarkable. But I experienced a rare afternoon defecation at work that was spectacular. Unfortunately, I was sans camera.

My Humble Offerings

Clearly my piggies are bigger and went to market faster. However, they didn't lie to me, as I have extra anal perception (a true gift from God) and know the score before I turn to verify goodness.

I think there is a russian red curly pubic hair floating around down there as well. Of course this leads me to associate the current Cuban political event thru the 60s Cuban Missle Crisis. Sorta looks like a sunken Havanna cigar.

Which brings me to wonder before I flush what will become of the influx of Cubans free to come and go from Cuba to the US, and will the US crap on them as we have for 50+ years.

! Libertad para todos los cubanos !

Three Little Pigs

Sometimes my anus lies to me. I would have told you that this was one big crap.


These three siblings also have some cousins down the well.

Boo!

My turd's fervent desire was a moment of floating peace before its long journey to the sea. But it was not to be; instead my issue was startled by a ghost conjured by my daughter in the depths of the night!

Soon enough they were friends. In the end they both were glad to have a traveling companion.

And God Said, "Let There Be Shit!"

This unoriginal idea of mine, years in the planning, has finally come to borne fruit. Welcome to the inaugural post on Shitterbug.com!



It turns out it can be difficult to get a good photo of one's poop without raising questions in the minds of one's family.