Satisfaction

Many years ago I devised a "shit satisfaction scale" that rated various factors that contribute to the level of satisfaction one obtains from taking a particular dump. One of these days I'll write it all down and post it here.


For now, suffice it to say that this one was pretty satisfying. One reason was that I could feel it baking for some time before I actually produced it.

The Turd Family

I have a 2-year-old daughter. Whenever she sees multiple objects of varying sizes she immediately names them "daddy", "mommy" and "baby" in descending order. If there's a fourth, she names the next-to-smallest one after her big sister.


So if I showed her this photo, I know exactly what she would say!

Snakes not in a Plane

Too bad this fella was dismembered by gravity. He has a nice 3D spiral thing going on and it'd be even more impressive if it were that much longer.


Reminds me of something I read about pig penises.

Three Amigos

This morning when I turned around to celebrate what my rectum had produced, I found these three guys were spooning all snug as a bug in a rug.


Hopefully they were able to hang onto each other on their subterranean odyssey to the treatment plant.

A Cameo!

Yesterday a good friend stopped by and agreed to join the main subject in the day's photo session. It's our friend Paper!


I thought I was going to abandon the shoot because my pesky daughter was hanging around the bathroom, so I tossed Paper into the mix. But then she got distracted elsewhere and I was able to capture my effluent after all.

What's Your Poo Telling You?

A reader of the piss color post sent along a pointer to this book. It may be of interest to other readers.

I don't need to read it, though. I know what my poo is telling me: "Make me a star!"

Why is Piss Yellow?

As I was sitting on the commode this morning debating the pros and cons of photographing one's shit within and without its accompanying urine I suddenly wondered, "Why is urine yellow?" My first thought, of course, was that the intelligent designer made it so to keep it in the same color family as shit.

A quick google search answered my question. And it turns out the colors of shit and piss are related!

From the Science in Action blog:

The yellow color in urine is due to chemicals called urobilins. These are the breakdown products of the bile pigment bilirubin. Bilirubin is itself a breakdown product of the heme part of hemoglobin from worn-out red blood cells. Most bilirubin is partly broken down in the liver, stored in the gall bladder, broken down some more in the intestines, and excreted in the feces (its metabolites are what make feces brown), but some remains in the bloodstream to be extracted by the kidneys where, converted to urobilins, it gives urine that familiar yellow tint.

Surprisingly the article gives no credit to a designer, intelligent or otherwise!

But an argument can be made that photographing one's feces in a urine-free setting is unnatural. The bilirubin byproducts in the piss and crap want to be reunited.

Living in a 3-Dimensional World

I'm attracted to the complexity of this particular portrait. The final stage of the turd is obviously trying to dominate the scene. But the observer who lingers over this image more than a moment will discover deeper structure. There is the intermediate fragment nestled underneath the frame hog. And yet farther into the sculpture one can see a larger mass lurking beneath its more conspicuous brethren. Taken together this collection exhibits a sense of completion that exceeds a mere sum of parts.


It is useful to be reminded of some of the basic rules for living the good life. Among them: don't rush through one's enjoyment of culture. Slow down and let your deeper appreciation ripen and bear its often latent fruit.

Don't Worry!

I've received hundreds of emails from concerned readers who are worried that I haven't shit for almost a week. Have no fear. I've been crapping along regularly. It's merely that I haven't had the opportunity to properly capture images of my rectal production this week. Damn nosy kids.


Just to allay your fears, here's a specimen from mid-week. If I recall correctly, this effort was rather satisfying.

The Mark of Zorro...

As you can see, this stuff is a lot like playdough fun factory product. I sat, and in 10 seconds I had laid what I thought was one of the largest volume crapper sessions for the week. Turned to find it was large, but most had slid nicely into the hidden confines of the toilet trap. However, what had piled up was clearly a sign of future stardom down the shitterbug.com tube of fame.




Click on the image and you will *CLEARLY* see some trademarked undigested tomatos for your gawking eyes.  I purchased a eight pound load of them babies for 50 cents, just past sellable ripe for making amazing off season salsa.  Well, they made bile salsa alright, almost makes ya want to dig into the 'guacamole' dip with your finger tips.  If you look hard enough, you can see my with grain rectal fold shitter marks down the shaft of each happy log.

There is also a peanut buttery power bar folded into the mix... Go ahead, take a good look.

Corn Ho!

What self-respecting blog featuring photos of shit can consider itself legitimate without corn?


Unfortunately I didn't have my camera for the primary feces after my corn meal. But at least I captured this remnant. Just wait until summer when fresh corn is in season!

Expanding My Palette

Sometimes it's good to stretch a little beyond one's usual comfort zone. Today I added a little tonal variety.


And a lonely little turdfly on the right.

A Day Without Sunshine

Is like a day after the day I missed my Metamucil. Behold:

An Orgy of Waste

Isn't that what Congress calls it when the Pentagon pays $5 million for a hammer?


In my case, just a tangle of turd. But at least it felt very productive.

Eve Tempting the Serpent

Oops, got a little backed up. So to speak. Actually, I found it difficult this week to post photos when my little turdlets weren't around to ask why dad is looking at photos of shit.


I guess last weekend my bowels were in a biblical mood.

Information Wants to be Free

I've been waiting for one of those rare sightings of a large beast.When it occurred, all I had was my crappy cell phone camera.


The government wants to deny that such a creature exists. Fortunately we have the Internets, so I can get this photo out there where even the NSA can't suppress it.

Recession?

A moderate decline in colonomic output today. I hope the markets don't panic!


The bonus is the urine accompaniment. I usually try to maintain the purity of the art form by either flushing the piss before I crap or holding it until after I've completed principal photography. Today I forgot and let loose the yellow torrent.

Do The Mashed Potato

Sheesh, forget that psyllium husk for one day and the next day you get mashed potato poop.


At least it still has some embedded items for visual relief.

Pietà

From Martha Graham to Michaelangelo. Who knew feces could be so erudite?


I'm touched by the tenderness with which this mother is cradling her doomed child.

Ballet From My Butt

Ah, all shimmering goodness. And the choreography! Martha Graham would be proud. Like vibrant figures in free space.


That fiber supplement makes my shit kinda airy and somewhat rope-like. But they require virtually no wiping. Who knows what the red flecks are. Tomato chunks from a marinara sauce?