Polish That Turd

For all the 1%er Shitterbug readers out there:

Gold Poop Pills By Tobias Wong Will Turn Your Feces All Sparkly

Shitty Research

A paper in Nature this week reports on the microbiomes (the collection of microbes) from the shit of 531 people. Here's the abstract:

Gut microbial communities represent one source of human genetic and metabolic diversity. To examine how gut microbiomes differ among human populations, here we characterize bacterial species in fecal samples from 531 individuals, plus the gene content of 110 of them. The cohort encompassed healthy children and adults from the Amazonas of Venezuela, rural Malawi and US metropolitan areas and included mono- and dizygotic twins. Shared features of the functional maturation of the gut microbiome were identified during the first three years of life in all three populations, including age-associated changes in the genes involved in vitamin biosynthesis and metabolism. Pronounced differences in bacterial assemblages and functional gene repertoires were noted between US residents and those in the other two countries. These distinctive features are evident in early infancy as well as adulthood. Our findings underscore the need to consider the microbiome when evaluating human development, nutritional needs, physiological variations and the impact of westernization.

Fading Memories

Yesterday I reluctantly returned from a very enjoyable week-long vacation.

An hour ago I took a dump. It occurred to me that it was probably from the last meal I ate on vacation and constituted the last physical evidence of the trip. So sad. I neglected to take a photo. I have only my memories.

Making a Deposit Before Making a Withdrawal

A man with "nervous bowels" craps in a bank parking lot before robbing it:

At least one supervisor inside the East Street bank anticipated trouble because a teller and a customer said they had seen a man "pooping" in the parking lot "and not being discreet" minutes before the 3:35 p.m. robbery, according to police.

Everybody poops...

...and if they don't, they're an android, and should be destroyed.



From the Folks at Bad Lip Reading.

Polishing a Turd

A Northern Irish man attempted to take polishing a turd to the next level, by turning shit into gold.

A Northern Ireland man who tried to turn his own faeces into gold by putting it on an electric heater has been jailed for three months. The bizarre experiment, carried out by Paul Moran, 30, caused around £3,000 worth of damage to his Housing Executive home in a block of flats at Derrin Park in Enniskillen in July.

Shitterbug News Flash!

Serial Pooper Caught With Pants Down.